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See other Activism ArticlesTitle: Coming Soon to a Telephone Near You
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Published: Aug 7, 2007
Author: Clell Drumheller
Post Date: 2007-08-07 16:31:14 by cdrumheller
Views: 780
Coming Soon to a Telephone Near You By Clell Drumheller
As you may know, not long ago, due to a collapse in donations from former supporters, the Republican National Committee terminated many of their phone bank callers. The leadership of the RNC decided that the reason why contributions were drying up was not because of Republican incompetence and malfeasance in office, but rather because the American employees are unwilling (or unable) to do these kinds of jobs. Therefore, since the Republican bigwigs have determined that almost all competition is good*, they have once, again, joined their Democrat brethren in outsourcing America. Will the American people, finally, recognize and appreciate the altruism and wisdom of their public servants? Sadly, I believe not. As you ponder this matter, try to visualize the following kind of scenario occurring in your life in the not-too-distant future.
Scene: [A man and his wife are sleeping soundly early one morning. The telephone rings. The man shakes his head, wipes his eyes, and, clumsily picks up the receiver.]
Man: [in a sleepy manner] Hello. Caller [a male with a heavy Indian accent]: Good evening, sir! Man: Evening? It’s six something in the morning. Caller: Oh, no, sir. The clock on the wall distinctly reads 7:30 P.M. Oh…I am so sorry, sir, I read the local time. Silly me. Ha! Ha! Anyway, I am Rahjah and I am calling for Ivan Odor. Man: [indignantly] It’s Ivan Adair and that’s me! Caller: Oh, I am terribly sorry, sir.,, Man: Now, who did you say you are? Caller: My name is Rahjah and I… Man: Rahjah? How do you spell that? Caller: Rahjah is spelled R-o-g-e-r, sir. Man: Oh, Roger. Caller: Yes, sir. And a “Roger Dodger” to you, too, sir! I so love popular American expressions! Man: Uh, yeah. Now, why are you calling me…and at this hour? Caller: Well, again, sir, I apologize for waking you up, but [obviously reading a script] “On behalf of American Political Enterprises, Inc., I am calling with an urgent message from the Republican National Committee. The Democrats are at it, again”…[drops the script, picks it up, and begins reading at another place]…and, and “Hillary Rotten Clinton has promised to implement socialized medicine, if elected to the Presidency”…[drops the script, again, and begins at, yet, another place]…and, uh…, oh, yes, “We must ensure that conservatives return to the Congress and retain the White House by supporting the election of Republican candidates in 2008…” Man: Whoa!!! Wait just a minute! I’m no longer a member of the Republican Party and won’t support their phony candidates with my votes or money, anymore, either! By the way, you said it’s 7:30 P.M. where you are. Where, exactly, are you calling from? Caller: Oh, Mr. Adair, I am calling from a very large – how do you say – boiler room. You would be proud. Our room is much bigger than the Democratic boiler room across the hall! We have newer telephones, too! Man: Let’s try this, again. First, I am not a Republican. Second, what city are you calling from? Caller: [pauses, and, then, speaks quickly in a muffled voice] N—Del--. Man: What did you say? Caller: N—Del--. Man: Would you repeat that slowly and clearly, please? Caller: Uh…New Delhi. Man: New Delhi…as in New Delhi, India? Caller: Yes, sir. It is beautiful this time of year. Man: What?!! I don’t care about that! What do you think you’re doing? It couldn’t be legal to solicit money for American political campaigns from outside the US. Caller: Oh, but, sir, you would be amazed at the progress that your political system has made under Presidents William J. Clinton and George W. Bush. Man: Well, I can’t argue with that. Now, listen, Roger. Caller: That is Rahjah. Man: Yeah, whatever. Is there anyway I can be taken off your call list? Caller: Oh, of course, sir. You can be placed on our “No Call” list. Man: What do I have to do to be placed on your “No Call” list? Caller: I must turn you over to my supervisor. His name is Harish, but he goes by “Harry”. Man: Who would have guessed it? Caller: Here he is. Supervisor: Good evening, sir. Man: Not again. Supervisor: I beg your pardon, sir. Man: Never mind. Will you put my phone number on your “No Call” list? Supervisor: Of course, sir, after you answer our brief survey. Man: Okay, can we hurry this process along. My entire family is awake, now. Supervisor: Oh, you are quite welcome, sir. We like to help our customers in every way we can. Man: Help? Customers? Huh?! Supervisor: We have three questions. The first question is, “Did Rahjah provide you with you courteous service?” Man: Yeah. Yeah. Supervisor: The second question is, “Are you Mr. Ivan Odor?” Man: Adair! My name is Ivan Adair! Supervisor: Sorry, sir. I will correct our records. Man: Thank you! Supervisor: The last question is, “Are you a citizen of the United States of America?” Man: Now, Harry, what do you think? Supervisor: If you did not understand the question, I will repeat it. Man: Yes. Yes. I’m an American citizen. [under his breathe] Who else would be expected to tolerate such nonsense? Supervisor: Thank you very much, Mr. Odor. Man: Aw…for cryin’ out loud! Supervisor: Because of the high volume of local telephone traffic at our regional office in Dubai we will, now, transfer you to our office in Beijing. Please, stay on the line…and, once, again, good evening and thank you for you business. [hangs up and phone rings] Man: Man, this is crazy! [phone is answered with a recorded message of a female voice with a slight Chinese accent] Voice: You have reached the Beijing Office of American Political Enterprises, Incorporated. For English press 1. For Spanish press 2… Man: Oh, for Pete’s sake! [He presses 1.] Voice: If you, are a Western banker or businessman, please note that we are conveniently located less than an hour south of Tiananmen Square in the Buffet Spy Tower at the Wal-Mart Laogai #1. Just follow the Long March Parkway to the Rothschild/Rockefeller exit. Exit and stay on the feeder road until you pass the One World Re-education Center and turn right on Corporate Central Drive. We are located one block up on the left, directly across the street from the Revlon Processing Plant and Potters Field. Tours of restricted areas must be arranged in advance by calling 1-866-UCA-SHIN. To invest in an American political campaign, please, press 1. To seek campaign contributions, please, press 2. To be placed on our “No Call” List, please, press 3. Man: Finally! [presses 3] Voice: Your call is being re-directed to our “No Call” menu. [pause] Man: Come on…Come on… Voice: Welcome to the American Political Enterprises “No Call” menu. If you are a Republican, please, dial 1-866-EAT-CAKE. If you are a Democrat, please, dial 1-976-PER-VERT. All others, please, remain on the line and the NSA will be with you, shortly. Thank you. Good-bye. [Click.]
*Republican leaders, generally, do not consider challenges to the “two-party” system to be good. Democrat leaders, generally, prefer unambiguous one-party rule. Also, the leadership of both parties tends to oppose business competition for their transnational corporate financial supporters (read: bosses) when the latter must compete on a fairly level playing field with truly American firms. These domestic firms are, for the most part, small to medium-sized businesses – the companies that employ most American workers.
Check out: http://www.constitutionparty.org. Texas readers go to http://www.cptexas.org.
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